{"id":26222,"date":"2021-06-17T06:15:22","date_gmt":"2021-06-17T12:15:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/corevalues.com\/?p=26222"},"modified":"2021-06-17T06:15:22","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T12:15:22","slug":"how-to-talk-as-in-really-talk-rules-of-conversational-engagement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/corevalues.com\/dev\/2021\/06\/17\/how-to-talk-as-in-really-talk-rules-of-conversational-engagement\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk (as in REALLY TALK): Rules of Conversational Engagement"},"content":{"rendered":"

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We live in a world that is so connected and disconnected at the same time. So it is no wonder that conversational engagement is top of mind for so many leaders today.<\/p>\n

Our thumbs are glued to our mobile phones most of the day.\u00a0 Many tasks (from shopping to setting doctor\u2019s appointments to running a business) are doable at the click of a button.\u00a0 Yet despite the messenger apps and chats, connecting with work colleagues and customers remain a challenge.<\/p>\n

Why is that?<\/p>\n

If you work in credit and collections, you know that customers abhor phone calls and would rather respond and engage in a non-voice conversation with debt collectors.\u00a0 If you work in sales, you realize how crucial it is to communicate in such a way that engages the other party (whether it\u2019s a prospect, a long-time client, or a returning customer).\u00a0 If you work in customer care or technical assistance, turning irate and unreasonable clients into advocates becomes your personal holy grail.<\/p>\n

Rules of (Conversational) Engagement<\/h2>\n

The movie, Rules of Engagement, headlined by Tommy Lee Jones and Samuel L. Jackson (2002) popularized the term. \u00a0This military action drama, based on a true story, centers on a rescue mission that went horribly wrong. It was easily a captivating political thriller for the military formalities it introduced.\u00a0 Rules of engagement are the rules and directives military forces and individuals must observe when using force.\u00a0 It defines the conditions, situations, degree, circumstances and manner in which force may be applied (and interpreted as provocative).<\/p>\n

At work, and for your leaders, conversational engagement is required for learning about your employees so that their work needs are satisfied producing greater engagement and retention of your most talented employees.<\/p>\n

The military example may be extreme for our purpose.\u00a0 But come to think about it, getting someone\u00a0 to see our side of the fence may very well be a considered a battle.<\/p>\n

Conversations at work are never passive especially when dealing with clients.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t a spectator sport.\u00a0 Once engaged, you are expected to score every single time.\u00a0 This has always been the rule of engagement.\u00a0 But to emerge unscathed and victorious meant that some ground rules have to be followed.<\/p>\n

10 rules of conversational engagement that improve the quality of your dialogues<\/h2>\n

RULE #1:\u00a0 THE RULE OF VISION<\/h4>\n

Ensure that everyone is on the same page.\u00a0 Your goal or vision must resonate with them, so that the effort put in is a step towards that vision. This means you are proficient in asking questions and soliciting an employee’s ideas, too.\u00a0 Remember, conversational engagement is a dialogue not one-way communication.<\/p>\n

RULE #2:\u00a0 THE RULE OF EXPECTATION<\/h4>\n

Everyone must know what their deliverables are. If the expectations of others are clear to you, then its likely clear to others as well.\u00a0 When we miss hitting the mark, its often failure to accurately communicate expectations. This results in procedural conflict that can flame into relationship conflict very quickly.<\/p>\n

RULE #3: THE RULE OF SPECIFIC FEEDBACK<\/h4>\n

A lack of feedback creates doubt as much as it wastes time, energy, and emotion.\u00a0 People want to know where they\u2019re at.\u00a0 Are they doing a good job?\u00a0 Leave no room for doubt.\u00a0 Give feedback \u2013 both positive and constructive.\u00a0 Make it CLEAR, SPECIFIC, and BASED on MEASURABLE DATA. Feedback without specifics leads to frustration.\u00a0 And when that happens, confusion, doubt, and low morale aren’t far behind.<\/p>\n

RULE #4:\u00a0 THE RULE OF REFLECTION<\/h4>\n

People often mirror what they experience.\u00a0 If you notice the other person becoming a little too emphatic or emotional, check yourself.\u00a0 Keep tabs on your verbal and non-verbal cues.\u00a0\u00a0 If you become visibly agitated, forceful, or loud, the person(s) you speak with will reflect the same.\u00a0 Remain calm and in control at all times.\u00a0 How you relay your message is just as important as the message itself.<\/p>\n

RULE #5:\u00a0 THE RULE OF DISCOVERY<\/h4>\n

Be curious and open to learning.\u00a0 Make an effort to discover something new.\u00a0 This means being conscious that you approach people with an open mind.\u00a0 Catch yourself when passing judgment.\u00a0 Often, we are quick to judge without basis.\u00a0 Learn, unearth, and discover.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great way to create the much-needed rapport that leads to good relationships.<\/p>\n

RULE #6:\u00a0 THE RULE OF CONNECTIVITY<\/h4>\n

You have to be present to connect with others. This means, you must truly listen. Listen to understand \u2013 not to reply.\u00a0 Pay attention to their messages, their tone of voice, the kinds of words used, as well as their non-verbal cues.\u00a0 A good way to improve connection is to summarize what a person has said and then ask if you understood it right. \u201cI hope I understood you correctly.\u00a0 You mentioned you needed this \u2026 does this include xxxx?\u201d\u00a0 By doing so, you demonstrate eagerness and interest.\u00a0 It also shows that you care enough to make sure you got their message right.<\/p>\n

RULE #7:\u00a0 THE RULE OF APPRECIATION<\/h4>\n

We all appreciate being recognized for our efforts.\u00a0 Show appreciation \u201cout loud\u201d and thank people for their actions.\u00a0 Taking the time to do this communicates gratitude.\u00a0 It also reinforces positive behavior and good performance.<\/p>\n

RULE #8:\u00a0 THE RULE OF RECIPROCITY<\/h4>\n

Reciprocity refers to the exchange of something for mutual benefit. \u00a0\u00a0We often aren\u2019t conscious of offensive behavior.\u00a0 If this has been brought to your attention, apologize.\u00a0 Learn from it. Commit to rectifying the harm, and encourage others to replicate the behavior.<\/p>\n

RULE #9:\u00a0 THE RULE OF CONSISTENCY<\/h4>\n

Avoid being the proverbial Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde.\u00a0 You can\u2019t be unreasonably stern one day and a saint who couldn\u2019t harm a fly on other days.\u00a0 This kind of behavior is disturbing for others and impacts whether people trust you or not. Be consistent with your temper mood, and behavior.\u00a0 Consistency creates a stable environment.\u00a0 It prevents employees from feeling that \u201cself-preservation\u201d is a daily necessity to thrive in your workplace \/ project.<\/p>\n

RULE #10:\u00a0 THE RULE OF RESPECT<\/h4>\n

Being respectful in both word and deed communicates support for each other.\u00a0 Keep your word. Don\u2019t gossip. Don\u2019t throw anyone under the bus.\u00a0 If you have an ax to grind with someone, settle the issue privately.\u00a0 Keep in mind that respect leads to genuineness which then leads to trust.\u00a0 Over time, trust leads to commitment and loyalty.<\/p>\n

How well you communicate impacts performance, mindset, and overall success.\u00a0 Get your team improvement strategies started by teaching employees how to have more meaningful conversations.\u00a0 See how the power of engaging conversations leads to a purpose-driven, professional and personal life.\u00a0 Talk to us<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Care to take the topic deeper?<\/h2>\n

The following resources deepen this conversation and offer opportunities up improve your skills.<\/p>\n